Worthy of the Oscars?

Whole of India is in Cloud 9, following the superlative performance of Slumdog at the Oscars. We are so filled with bad news of terrorism , recession and corruption any news which sounds remotely benign cheers us all.

While a large section is teeming with nationalistic fervour, a small group is wondering "why the hell is India upbeat? what is there for India to feel proud about?" Personally I belong to both these gangs.

As a big fan of ARR, I am extremely thrilled that he got two oscars. It is true that 'Jai ho' is one of the worst songs ever composed by ARR. So what? Alcapone was finally tried for tax evasion. The man gets what he deserves. The vehicle that the good news or badnews travels in peripheral. I dont understand Hindi, but I am sure Gulzar's fans will know he has written hundreds of better songs. But why make a comparison? There is a time and context for every talent to be recognized. For ARR, Gulzar and Resul it is this. They happenned to be associated with the right people at the right context at the right time and they fully deserve the oscars.

The film may be british film, but the works of ARR and Gulzar are as Indian as any other bollowood work. There is no point in snubbing that.

But when it comes to the 8 oscars of slumdog, I really dont see whats the point in feeling proud? Slumdog is shot in India. does it make it Indian? Then every Yash Chopra movie is a swiss movie.

Chappunnu oru Movie

A loves B but gets married to C. Subsequently C learns about A’s past, traces B and try to get them together. But ultimately the marital bonding proves too powerful for any other emotion. This is the story of Andha 7 naatkal.. er.. I mean.. Hum Dil de chukke Sanam.. was it Veetila Visheshanga.. No.. I think it was Pooveli.. Oh please.. which movie did I see last week? Got it.. Sillinnu oru kaadhal

An innovative story that has been innovated a hundred times before. Can you change a few scene here and there and make a new movie? Yes. It is as easy as changing a ‘J’ to ‘S’ in the title, and claiming the title has now become Tamil.

If you insist there should be something new about such a hyped movie, let me elaborate a bit on the love story between A and B, I mean Surya and Bhoomika. The hero is a designer clad poor villager who falls in love with a politician’s ONLY daughter. When the try to get married, the politicians enters with a gang of goondas, separate the couple and beats up the hero. Heard that one before? Sorry. The hero has a group of friends, whose only purpose is to provide comic relief and put some senti dialogue towards the end. Heard that too? Hey … here is a good one. The hero jumps over the heroine’s fence in the middle of the night and asks for a kiss.. What are you saying? You have heard that before…? Gimme a break!

After a long time, ARR has come up with an above par sound track. He averages it out by a below par background score – guess he has outsourced it to chandrabose or sirpi. If you have the additional misfortune having to see the movie in Rukmani theatre in Koyambedu, my sympathies are with you.

Heard Jo is likely to retire after this movie. It shows. High time Jo. So long and thanks for all the fish. Hope to see you soon in roles similar to the ones played by Sukanya Aunty, in this movie.

If you feel I am as carping nitpick who cant see the brighter side of life, here is what I found as a saving grace – BHOOMIKA. She looks graceful as a homely girl in the first half and ravishing as a modern girl in the second half. That’s the only thing jill about the movie. Girls may find another silverlining in Surya’s looks. But if you like to watch Surya or Bhoomika, I recommend you download some wall papers from the internet. That works much cheaper than watching this movie - especially at Rukmani theatre.

krrrrrrrish - First in India??.

Somewhere I read the promotions for this movie claiming this to be "India's first Superhero movie". Wonder on what basis?

This man flies in the air. Jumps over buildings. saves children. dodges bullets. Does that make it a superhero movie? Rajinikant has been doing this for over two decades. Even silly outfits such as these have been tried out by Rajini.

In case you feel I am biased towards Tamil superheroes, what about Amitabh? Wasn't he a super hero in Shahenshah or Toofan, and 50 other movies the names of which I cannot fit in here?

What is so great about Hrithik lifting kids and bikes? His uncle rajesh roshan has been lifting tunes since he came to field. Even his dad is prolific in lifting movie themes. May be like "the Incredibles" - this is a family of Supers.

The prequel to this movie owas stupidly called as the "first sci-fi" movie in India. Really? Have you seen an MGR movie, where alien creatures kidnap Bhanumathi? Or that Jaishankar movie where a scientist invents an injection that makes people disappear?

Anyway Rakesh Roshan's marketing genius is far greater than his genius - if there is any - in story telling. So he can call this is the first.. whatever

I feel this is the First 2 hour commercial - for Singapore tourism

May be his next movie may be called as India's first love story. Or India's first Musical. The suspense is killing..

Whacky technology innovations for Chennai

The nerds from the valley keeps coming out of newer and whackier gizmos every year. Most of them dont make sense to Namma makkal. Here is my take on technology innovations thats most needed for Tamilnadu and Chennai in particular

- Oven fitted with TV: Runs on thermal energy. Ideal for Housewives who can cook and watch mega serials at the same time. This releases time for men to watch sports and News in the drawing room. Whats more, we can save the cost of Salt, as the ladies can directly cry into the utensils.

- Fragrance plugs: put it in your nose. it keeps shedding good fragrance. Useful when you drive or walk beside Koovam or Buckingham canal

- Fare checker : A plug-in software for Watches/Mobile phones/PDAs. Turn it on while you get into the Auto. When you get down, it will tell you the exact fare. Not that the autodriver will accept the fare. But atleast you know how much you have been cheated.

- Horn netralizer : fitted to the rear of cars.While you are stuck in a traffic jam, if the fellow behind you keeps honking.. just click the button, it will disable his horn.

- Pothole warning system : gives out a warning when there is a pothole ahead - very useful especially when the whole road is filled with water - can fit it to Cars /Bikes / Shoes - works on ultrasound technology

- Petrol purifier: a small ring like fitting that you fix it at the opening of your petrol tank. will let only pure petrol inside. If the petrol was adulterated, it will filter the petrol in and spit the other stuff out. Will also tell you the quantity of petrol that actually got in.

- Sticky railings : The railings used as Median at important roads will have adhesive surface. When people try to jump over it, their hand will stick on to the surface. The same tecnology will also be used for the crossbars at the railway crossings.

- biting microphones : used in public meetings. fitted with a timer. If the speaker crosses the time limit, the mic will pounce and bite the speaker.

- Automatic music composer: effective tool for the film industry. Automatically downloads hit international songs, indianizes the tune and beats. It also writes lyrics by combining many meaningless words with a few english words and delivers a 'tamil' song. The sound output can be set to resemble the voices of many famous singers like udit narayan and Theni Kunjarama.

- Maidha maavu in multiple flavours - here is one for animal welfare. The Pasai (adhesive) used for poster will come in multiple flavour. This will keep the Cows very happy. The flavours can include Grass, Straw, Thavidu, punnakku etc.,

- two dimensional busses - Usually buses are shaped like a cuboid with windows on both sides and doors on one side. This causes lot of traffic problems as they are too bulky. Hence a bus in the shape of a square . It just has holes as windows with bars in between.two wheels at the bottom It runs on a autopilot mode, So there is no need for a driver seat. The bus is meant for college students So there is no need for passenger seats. They just hang on both sides of the windows. Imagine how much of space will be saved.

More ideas for the moral police

Due to the unfortunate incident of stampede, the 'protectors of tamil culture' seem to be little out of limelight ( the last I heard, they are still trying to link stampede with tamil culture, but haven't succeeded yet)

But I am sure, like any other disaster this too shall be forgotten in the next week or so. How does the moral police get back to the front pages? Now that the public is losing interest in Khusboo, its time they come up with some innovative protests to protect tamil culture. here are some ideas

- All actors who have sanskrit names should be banned from acting in Tamil films. That puts an end to Rajini, Kamal, Vijaykant, Vikram, Vijay, Ajit, Prashanth, Dhanush.. virtually everyone except Silambarasan.

- All actresses have to surgically remove their belly button.

- Tamil murasu can release photos of lovers kissing in Marina Beach, following which Marina beach can be closed for public. This will also release more space for burying politicians. One stone two mangoes. Follow it up by closing all the parks and theatres, where there is a possibility of lovers getting cosy.

- Operating systems written in English shouldn't be allowed to be run in any PC inside tamilnadu.

- Busses that read 12B, 45C, etc., should be taken off the road. even numbers plates in tamilnadu should be converted to tamil : not just the alphabet part, but also the number part .. like Ka, U, Gna, etc.,

- All shops serving, pizzas, noodles, pastas, bread, burgers will be closed. On second round, we can also argue there is no mention of Idly, dosa, chappathi etc., in sangam literature. So lets ban them in tamilnadu, only Thaen and Thinai maavu is allowed in this state.

- Cooling glasses, Shoes, tie will be banned. Did Rajaraja chola wear a cooling glass? Did Karikalan wear Shoes? These are ploys by MNCs to dilute the tamil culture. ( Let us think little more about the cooling glass part. Looks like lot of politicians will be affected)

More ideas are welcome

Tamilnadu's obsession with the big brother

I have finally booked an apartment. This post is not about my apartment, but on the name of the road where it is located. You probably would have guessed the name of the road already. It is called Anna street. If you want to randomly guess a name of a location, a landmark or a street, just say Anna, the probability of you being correct is more than 50%

The one thing that the dravidian parties have achieved in the three decades of rule is that they have successfully managed to name everything in the name of Anna - Anna university, Anna salai, Anna airport, Anna membalam, Anna nagar,Anna zoological park... the list is endless. Anyone who is not much informed about tamilnadu will prabably think, the only noteworthy person to have hailed from this part of the country is Anna, which is a shame.

I seriously feel renaming anything in the name of political personalities should be banned ( for that matter burying political leaders in public places like Marina) Only this will bring the other achievers - achievers in the respective fields- to the eyes of a newer generation. Wonder if that will ever happen.

The following however is likely happen. one day you will give directions for your home like this - after landing at anna airport, take an anna bus that goes to anna nagar, get down at anna bus stand, go to anna avenue. take second left that is anna street. the first right from there is Anna lane. get inside, the first building there is Anna illam. The house opposite is mine.

Reading beyond the lines

There is a reason why I buy Hindu only on saturdays. I have been looking for a house for the past 2 years and am yet to find a suitable match ( earlier I use to buy Hindu only on Sundays. I stopped it after marriage)

As hindu charges advertisers for every word, many people cut out some important words from the ads just to save some money. For those who are not used to reading between the lines, here is a ready reckoner

What the ad says	What is left out
10 minutes drive from airport	If you happen to be Michael Schumacher
copious water supply	3 buckets everyday compared to the usual 2 in the neighbourhood
Good scope for appreciation	Forget moving in for the next 10 years
walkable distance from the railway station	Pack yourbreakfast and lunch before starting your walk.
Built according to Vaasthu	We are looking for superstitious suckers
Designer apartment	It will look odd
Ready to occupy	Roof is complete
Lush Garden in front	Three pots of lantana
Excellent view from the balcony	To the neighbours bedroom
Children play area	Does your kid play chess?